Push
Happy 2020 b*tches! Hope everyone's year is off to an amazing start.
Mine personally is pretty drear because January is the actual armpit of all the months. Like the holidays are over. You have to go back to work. It's cold AF. The list goes on. But we try to make the best of it...if we have to lol #seasonaldepression.
Anyways, let's vent.
We all have individuals we aren't fond of existing in the world somewhere. You don't like these people. You do everything in your power to avoid them. You don't want them present anywhere in your life. & so far, you're doing great job of keeping them out.
Gold star for evasion!
BUT, what happens when those unfortunate individuals we call enemies, start coming around our near & dear friends?
& what happens when our friends, don't have an issue with these enemies?
AND what happens when our cherished friends may even...(swallowing nervously)...begin to HANG OUT with our enemies?
*GASPING
*BARFING
*TREASON!!!!!
If you find yourself in a situation like this - it may seem natural to blindly push your friend into disliking the person you dislike. You may even give them an ultimatum of - "it's him/her or me".
I advise against this little course of action in 2020 lol - trust me, I’ve tried it. & things get awk in the friendship real quick unless you’re dealing with a ride or die.
Why won’t the “it’s him/her or me” tactic work in your favor? Because the second you start pushing your friend into something they don't want to do - you tend to start pushing them away.
Nobody likes to have a friend forcibly dictating their lives. So what can you do?
There's a couple of steps you can go through that will help you navigate this emotional situation. & these steps will also help your overbearing a** calm down in the interim.
#namaste.
1) Clearly think through why you don't like your enemy.
Does your animosity for your enemy stem from something dispositional (a person's personality/characteristics) or situational (a person's situation or environment)? Think that through...hard. Does the person you're dealing with actually have flawed character? Or was your dislike brought on by various factors and pressures in a situation that made someone behave a certain way.
Through this thought process, you may come to the conclusion that it's dispositional - your enemy has a clear lack of character and you still feel validated for putting them in your Burn Book.
OR - you'll come to realize that the person you're dealing with, maybe isn't so bad - the situation was bad. If this is the case, your enemy might not always be the evil monster they were in your story.
Either dispositional or situational, clearly pinpointing what brought you to disliking your enemy will bring you to a deeper understanding of your feelings & it will also help you articulate them intelligently down the line.
2) You have to consider the positives.
Cringey I know lol - but what good characteristics may your friend see in your enemy?
Face it - most of the people we don't like we have histories with. So it's v possible & v likely you liked your enemy at a point in time. Remember what drew you to them in the first place and realize, your friend is probably seeing those same positive traits.
Clara - Funny
Peggy - Bubbly
Gertrude - Strong
Sharpe …………………………………………
I can’t do it yet lol
#sns.
This little exercise can soften your disdain - even if just a little bit.
3) Don't turn yourself into the villain.
It's easy to get aggressive with your friend and rattle off all the reasons why you hate someone and how your friend shouldn't associate with them like, EVER. But all that negative pushing and prompting simply turns you into a villain while you're trying to make your enemy out to be one - nobody likes an aggressive pessimist.
#iamyourfather
4) Give it time
If the person you dislike is actually a bad person, there is a V good chance your friend will discover this on their own time. There's no need to relentlessly push them to this discovery. Let them see for themselves.
#patienceisavirtue
5) Communicate
Even though we aren't going to push our friends into disliking someone on our sh*t list, this doesn't mean we clam up and don't talk to them about the situation at hand. Quite the opposite actually.
I think you should overly communicate with your friend about how you're feeling. Have an intentional conversation where you can calmly explain why you feel the way you do about said person and why you're potentially worried about your friend hanging out with them. Also pick your friend's brain for their opinion. This gives you and your friend a safe place to share feelings and observations.
#snapsforcommunication
***
Think once. Twice. Three times before pushing your friends into your way of thinking. Instead, be smart about the situation. Talk things out. & take solace in the fact that the true bad guys - those enemies out there that suck to their very core - ALWAYS have a way of showing their true colors.
Till Next Time. xoxo